Happineess Is a Warm Gun

So, I've reopened the blog for business. I really should have done it sooner, but what can I say? My life is craziness and I just didn't have time.

Stress levels are high this time of year, exams and papers and applications all due within three weeks of each other. To top it all off, I've acted in typical GF style this year and anxietied myself into at least one F possibly even two more - this is not good. I was accepted back this fall as a full-time student, although I've really fucked up large all this semester.

I've skipped classes and not handed in assignments - way to go stupid! I just have had a really horrible three months. I've really disliked all my classes, which is probably part of the reason why I wasn't going to them. In a total twist of reality - the one class I did enjoy this year was my philossphy class - I had two really good friends that took it with me and I think that's the only reason why I went so regularly and did well on assignments and tests.

I'm just finishing up my teacher's college applications and J.J. has helped me write papers well beyond the call of boyfriend duty. I just feel so tired, and worst of all, I don't really care about my school. As Bilbo says "I feel like butter scraped across to much bread." I would rather just skip all my exams and fail everything. I've been working on this frigin' B.A. for sux years now, SIX YEARS! I would almost be done my M.A. by now, but alas "everything happens for a reason." At least that's what I used to say, I believed that there was some mystical reason for all the shitty things that would happen in my life. But really, doing a B.A. for six years and being the world's worst horrible student - and inevitably getting rejected from all four colleges I'm applying to - WHAT IS THE REASON FOR ALL OF THIS????

Please, someone, tell me. I really have no idea myself. I want to get on with my life, I want to live in my own place and have a career not a job. I want to teach and have my own class and marry J.J. and get a cat. I want to have my summer's off and read Lord of the Rings every year and then watch the movies back to back to back.

I just want to be done with it. I'm sick of stress and working and effort. I quit, it's over. I just want to pass all my classes, even if it's just barely and get my B.A. and get into college and learn stuff I'm acutally intrested in. I love feminism, and I love women's studies but I hear the same things repeated over and over and over and over in my classes for the past six years. It gets a bit tedious.

I want to teach, and teach I will. I just hope it's sooner than later.

Signed,
Grrl Friday